Today

So today was the first day I got Kaden out of his big boy bed to get ready to go to Ms. Sharon's. I have to say, it was much easier getting him out. Ever see that part of Bruce Almighty when Jim Carey has to wake up? You know, where he throws such a fit when he has to get up? Sometimes that how Kaden is. He takes the covers and pulls them over his head or rolls over a million times. So, sometimes, I just have to scoop him up to get him moving. So, it was a quick scoop today. He's doing much better in his bed! He actually got up a lot more when it was a crib. I guess the thrill of falling 4 feet was more enticing than one little step out. Kinda like once you turn 21 drinking just isn't quite as fun. Granted, he still has his moments and gets out, but not quite as bad as it was at first. Nap time is a little trickier. I suppose it's because it's so bright outside.

So this is the transition bed. It's so nice how cribs are able to change. We basically just took down one side and it came with the side rails. The next step will be getting rid of the baby Winnie the Pooh and eventually getting him a bigger bed. Pooh never really was him. Cute, but not Kaden. Ideally, I'd love to one day decorate his room like a little forest. Who knows. I know he'd probably prefer Cars, or maybe even something to do with sports. I guess we'll let him decide soon. Anyway, he tried helping daddy, but Toy Story was a little more interesting. That was until he was able to jump in his new bed (Saturday night). He loves it!!!

So, moving right along. Went to work, blah, blah...Wade went to MD Anderson today for all of his tests. We'll find out the results tomorrow morning at 9:00. I suppose we'll find out what they think and what exact things they will have to do. Chemo will be the route, but with the new spots growing, it gives them something to compare future tests with. We'll see. Of course I'm beyond nervous. But, it's really out of my hands. I'm just trying to stay positive. More on the results and what the future holds tomorrow.

Tonight was my Aunt's viewing. So sad!! But it was amazing how many people were there. She was clearly loved by many. She was an inspiration to so many people. It's just so weird when they have an open casket. She looked so good though. It looked like she was sleeping and would wake up any second. My uncle is so tough. He was actually the one comforting us and making us feel better. He's an amazing man! Tomorrow is the funeral so we have a very busy and slightly depressing day ahead of us.

In a Funk

Every once in a while I get in this funk. I get in this horribly depressed mood. I start thinking of Wade and I become a mess. My fears overcome my ability to remain positive and strong. Some days I am just so scared of losing my best friend, the love of my life and the father of my children. I can not even begin to imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine it because it absolutely makes me sick. Some days I just cry and long to see Wade so I can hug him. I don't want to let go. I don't want to be negative and most days I'm not. I know the devil is working one on me on days like today. I hate to ever say that this just doesn't seem fair, but today is the day when I feel like things aren't fair. When will we have a break? When will our entire family be healthy? When will we have a year when somebody close to us doesn't get sick, die, or suffer in any sort of way? When will things begin to look up for us? If we go a week without anything major happening, I expect that in any day something will happen. It just seems to be the way things are for us lately. I'm mad and I'm angry. I don't know what I'm mad at. I'm not mad at God. God has blessed us with so many wonderful things. I'm just so upset.

I just have to step out of the funk, take a deep breath and pray to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He gives me the strength I need to go on. I don't pray for strength or patience, but I constantly pray for Wade's healing and thank the Lord for His many blessings. God has a plan for us all...whether we're here until we're 100 or not. Maybe the end is near and Jesus will come and take us all away. I can only long for the day when there is no sadness, sickness or suffering.

11 Months

My Dearest Reagan,

It's so hard to believe you are 11 months. Where has the time gone? It feels like yesterday that we welcomed you into this world. You have been an amazing baby. You eat and sleep wonderfully. I think you love both a little too much. You would probably sleep through the day if we'd let you. Right now, you sleep at least 12 hours at night, take a 45 minute nap in the morning and about 3 hour nap in the afternoon (hopefully the same time as your brother). When you wake up, you are incredibly happy. You smile non-stop. We get so tickled at you because you're so happy that it seems you can hardly stand it.

You are getting closer and closer to walking. You're definitely taking your time. The other night you were holding on to a chair and let go to take one step towards daddy. We were so excited. So we know it's not long. You're constantly on the go. You always find something to stand on and walk with. You crawl super fast. Poor Daphne...you're always chasing her. You really seem to love her.

I love watching you when we throw pillows and blankets on the floor. You fall back and just giggle. You move so fast to get them. All the while, you laugh so hard. It's funny to watch you with your brother. He always tries to pick you up and throw you around. You just laugh at him. Now sometimes, you get quite the attitude. I call you "sassy". You fight to keep what's yours. It's a little amusing, yet it scares me a little. I can only imagine what you'll be like when you get a little older. I do believe we'll be in trouble.

You have two beautiful two beautiful teeth on bottom and two on top. So far you're handling getting new teeth with no problem.

I love listening to you talk. You call your brother bubba and even sometimes attempt to say Kaden. It sounds pretty darn close. You always try to copy what Kaden says. Then it goes back and forth for several minutes. It's a little game you two play. You pick up on things so quickly. You say, uh-oh, mamma, dada, bubba, Kaden, baba (bottle), and somewhat kitty. You are very spoiled being the only girl on both sides of our family for so long. We love you more than you could ever know. We take advantage of those times when you let us hold you or when you get sleepy and cuddle next to us. Our little baby is growing up way too fast. Could you please slow it down a little? It's hard to believe next month you will be 1 year old. I love you my sweet baby girl.

Love,

Mommy

No More Suffering

My Aunt Tina lost the battle to breast cancer this morning. She fought hard and was so very strong. Now she is in such a better place and no longer having to suffer. May the Lord welcome her to His glorious kingdom. If anybody even reads this, please keep her family in prayers. Her husband Donnie has been a rock and by her side the entire time. Dustin is their only son. Dustin will be graduating high school at the end of May.

Number Five and Counting

As I sit here, my adoring son has now climbed out of his bed 5 times. Now when I say bed, I mean crib. Yes, he is still in his crib. We thought we could wait until this summer to change his bed from the crib to the toddler bed. Guess we were wrong. Saturday morning, Wade walks into the living to hear in the sweetest voice, "Hi Daddy!" He showed us exactly how he did it. Oh man...so now we're in discussion of the change and it coming a little sooner than expected.



So tonight, I put him down and went to our bedroom and then the bathroom. All of a sudden the bathroom door opens and I see this little cute boy with his most innocent smile looking back at me. I yell in a nice voice, "Get back to bed!" That boy took off faster than anything I had ever seen. I took care of what I needed to, tucked him in AGAIN and off to the kitchen I went to clean up. Well, not 5 minutes later I hear his door opening. So I walk to the hallway, he sees me and with a giggle, he takes off running. So, AGAIN, I tuck him in and we said our "I love yous". So it happens again, and again. For the last time, I raced to the door and this time I was able to get to him before he got back to the bed. Now understand, I am giggling inside and trying so hard for him not to see me. But I just couldn't resist that sweet little laugh and crinkled up nose. I, at this point am cracking up laughing. He is laughing hysterically! For the last time, we say good night and I tell him "DO NOT GET OUT OF BED".



So I thought it was the last time. Add another. The count is up to six. Wade went to the post office real quick and he walked in not long ago. Of course Kaden hears him and calls for him to fix his aquarium in his bed (this is because after the 2nd time of tucking him in, he tells me that daddy needs to fix it. I told him daddy would fix it when he got home thinking he would be in a deep sleep by then). Before Wade could make his way to the room, Kaden comes out and says, "I wake up!" He's helped Wade fix the aquarium, cried because he wanted to "kiss Reagan" and yelled "I love the Beatles" (this is thanks to Wade's current obsession with the Beatles".



So, we'll see, Wade is putting him back to bed...hopefully for the last time. I am really feeling like my little baby boy is a big boy! My oh my how time flies!!!!

Beautiful Babies

You know, I know I'm a little partial, but I really do believe I have the cutest kids ever!! Watching them together makes me laugh and gives me all kinds of of feel good feelings. It's amazing how much they already love each other. Reagan calls Kaden "Bubba". She hates when he cries and belly laughs at him when he makes funny noises at her. However, he's still learning not to take toys away from her although she puts up a pretty good fight when he tries. Let's say she goes down with a fight. They are the best of friends...so far! All I know is they make me smile so much it brings tears to my eyes. Here are a few pictures from the past couple of days.

Life

On Tuesday, Wade's mom went to the hospital. For several days she was having pain in her shoulder down through her arm. It so bad to where she was not able to lift her right arm. When we went to her rheumatoid arthritis doctor, her told her she needed to go straight to the emergency room and not even stop by the house or anything. He suspected a peripheral stroke. So I don't know much about this type of stroke, but regardless, they called it a stroke and naturally you think of all the horrible things associated with it. Well, I honestly believe through immediate prayer, good news came fast. Good news, no stroke. Bad news, possible surgery to fix the problem with her arm. They said something about bone infringement. Something along the lines of bone buildup in her shoulder from the ra.



So, around 11:15 on Tuesday, Wade texted me and said his mom was on the way to the hospital, blah, blah. So I immediately called him. Of course he was upset. So I left work right away to go get him and off to the hospital we went. Now, on the way to get Wade, I had a little time to think. Now I've had times where I think, "what if", but with this incident and with another recent incident where a friend of ours passed away, I've been in deep thought with my "what ifs". I think of how things would be so different if certain things happen. I think how upset I would be, but now there's something much deeper to deal with. I look past my own opinions and think of my kids. How in the world would they deal without their grandparents who love them soooo much? And yes, you think they're so young and they'll move on. But you can't help but think how weird it would be for the kids to not really understand what happened and how all of a sudden that special somebody is no longer there. I want my kids to know my parents and love them as much as me. I don't want to tell them who they were and how wonderful they were, but I want them to find out for themselves. I've been so blessed to have both set of my great parents still alive. I can only hope and pray for the same thing for our kids. The thought of something happening to any of my loved ones freaks me out. But then to think now it's not just me to worry about being hurt, it's now my husband and my kids. Ahhh. I hate when I get in these moods. So in times like this, the only thing that can be done is pray and put my faith in God. As always, we should live like there's no tomorrow. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a good day.

Change

So, just a little frustrated. Sometimes I'm just not okay with change. This year has required much change! It has been a very stressful work year. These days I am totally, 100% give out at the end of the day. How I long for the summer!!!!

Wade will be going to the doctor on the 30th so we'll find out when he starts chemo. More change...nice! I can only pray for Wade to be healed!!

Watching the kids with Wade is what I have to be the most rejuvenating and fulfilling part of my life. They really and truly complete me. They are what I look forward to every day. So when the day comes to an end and I think I have no more to give, I think of that moment when I see my kiddos and their eyes filled with excitement when they see me again. Then to think I get to come home to the most loving, handsome, and adoring husband just makes it all the better. These are the highlights to my day. So, now can you see why I don't like change? I wish I could just freeze this time of our lives and keep it just as it is.

Tired

It's Thursday, which I would say is one of my favorite days of the week. It's a very optimistic day because after today comes Friday and then of course the weekend. I love the weekends! I am so looking forward to this summer. It can't get here soon enough. Don't get me wrong, I love my job...but some days I'm just exhausted. Too exhausted for the little things that drive me crazy. However, I can't help but laugh at so many of the things they say. Today one of my girls said, (with her head bobbin' side to side)"When my mom and dad get in a fight and I'm older I'm gonna dye my hair red (btw, she's a blonde)." Oh man, do those parents have a rude awakening when this little "thang" becomes a teenager. They crack me up. The funniest is watching the boys in the dollhouse center. Of course they try to be so cool, but funny thing is they love playing with the dolls. Now, I'm sure they're dads would die to hear this. So, I'm just rambling...it's the little things that make me laugh, but there are so many other things that on some days just drive me crazy! I can't tell you how many times I hear, "I'm telling!" Half of the time they never come, they just threaten. They argue about somebody touching them, sitting in their spot, looking at them funny and of course the ultimate "he cutted!" Ahhhh!!! Sometimes I have to step back and realize, they're only 5 and 6...practically babies. Just when I think I'm going to break I hear things like, "My momma said that even though my cousin doesn't make the best choices, he really is a good person inside." With that another replies, "I bet he's a good person outside too when he's playing on the playground." Oh to be in my shoes for a day...

Things around here are moving along. Reagan got another tooth. She now has 3...he 2 bottom teeth and then this one (I forget the name). It's the one to the right of the 2 big teeth. Maybe if I'd get that handy baby book out I could look at the names of them. Anyway, so now she has 3. She's getting over an ear infection. She ran a 103.5 fever Saturday morning. We never would have known anything was wrong with her. With Kaden, we could just "feel" it coming. It was horrible. So, I guess we can be thankful that at least it didn't hurt her. She's trying to get brave and walk, but I think she'll be another month. She cruises on furniture. She blows kisses and will shake her finger and say, "n, n, n,". Yep, we are in so much trouble. She's a feisty little thing. She's developed quite the attitude. And she will let you know when she wants something. In a few months she'll beating up on Kaden I'm sure of it.

Kaden makes me laugh every single night. We got him a Lightening McQueen baseball hat. He loved it! And he looks so cute in it. When I dropped him off at Ms. Sharon's this morning, he RAN in screaming, "Look guys! Look at my hat!" He's my little love bug. The other night, he jumped up and his head hit under my chin. I bit my lip pretty bad. It actually felt like I lost a few teeth. I was bleeding and my lip was real swollen. It was so swollen I had a hard time talking. I of course, asked him if he was okay first and then started to cry a bit. He looked at me and said,"What happened momma? Are you okay?" Then it was, "I sowwy, I sowwy momma!" I felt horrible. I'm such a baby. I shouldn't have cried and scared him. After a bit, I showed him my lip and I said what happened Kaden? He said,"Momma got a boo boo. Allison, no! Allison, no hit!" It seems as though Allison may be the bully at the babysitter as Allison tends to beat up on Kaden even when she's not around! Crazy!

Okay, so we're about to do our taxes. I'm waiting for Wade to get home. I suppose I will try to get in a 5 minute nap while I have the chance!