In a Funk

Every once in a while I get in this funk. I get in this horribly depressed mood. I start thinking of Wade and I become a mess. My fears overcome my ability to remain positive and strong. Some days I am just so scared of losing my best friend, the love of my life and the father of my children. I can not even begin to imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine it because it absolutely makes me sick. Some days I just cry and long to see Wade so I can hug him. I don't want to let go. I don't want to be negative and most days I'm not. I know the devil is working one on me on days like today. I hate to ever say that this just doesn't seem fair, but today is the day when I feel like things aren't fair. When will we have a break? When will our entire family be healthy? When will we have a year when somebody close to us doesn't get sick, die, or suffer in any sort of way? When will things begin to look up for us? If we go a week without anything major happening, I expect that in any day something will happen. It just seems to be the way things are for us lately. I'm mad and I'm angry. I don't know what I'm mad at. I'm not mad at God. God has blessed us with so many wonderful things. I'm just so upset.

I just have to step out of the funk, take a deep breath and pray to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He gives me the strength I need to go on. I don't pray for strength or patience, but I constantly pray for Wade's healing and thank the Lord for His many blessings. God has a plan for us all...whether we're here until we're 100 or not. Maybe the end is near and Jesus will come and take us all away. I can only long for the day when there is no sadness, sickness or suffering.