Long Day

Well today Wade went to the doctor. After waiting nearly 2 hours in the waiting area, we were moved back to a room to wait another hour. Finally the doctor comes in. He asks how we are doing and how Wade is feeling. And then he begins to discuss the CT scan. While sitting in his chair and facing us, he says, "After reviewing your CT scan...well, let me show you." It literally felt like my heart stopped beating. I couldn't believe we were about to get bad news. Is this even possible? So, according to the doctor, he said the radiologist claim "progression" because of a lesion in Wade's liver. They were saying this is something new. However, as the doctor explained, he sees Wade all the time and he knows his patient and past tests. He said he felt like the tumor in Wade's liver was already there but they were unable to find it. Apparently the chemo made it more visible because it had liquefied. His words were, "It is becoming mush". Not knowing what this means, we ask is this good or bad. He said it is a good thing because the chemo is killing it and causing it to liquefy. They are going to keep a close eye on this and will require tests that will scan his liver as well as his entire body just to be safe. Eventually they may be able to remove this with surgery. As for the other tumors, they are the same...not growing! That's good news.

So Wade will continue on with two more treatments and one of them beginning tomorrow, or should I say today?

I'd like to say that I've been strong and upbeat because most of the time that's what it looks like on the outside. But I can't help but be scared to death and worry. But, I put on my happy face and I stay strong for Wade. He's incredible and is being so strong for us, so it's my duty to keep it together for us all. I definitely have my moments but sometimes I just don't feel like I have time to break down. I'm going to pray and speak the word of God. That's all I know to do.

Oh and just for the record, we were at the doctor a full 3 1/2 hours. Nice!

Super Kid

When I got to the sitter's yesterday, Kaden's name was on the wall. This wall usually displays who has used the potty and how many times. It also says if somebody has a diaper rash, fever, or seemed upset for some reason. Then of course, it lists kids who have hit, pushed, and bit. Kaden is never on there for those reasons unless somebody hit, pushed or bit him. He is, however on there for climbing onto furniture and jumping. That's my kid. Then finally there's the names of kids who do nice things like help clean up, share, and be nice to others.

But when I got there I noticed some words in big letters that were outlined in a big circle and lots of exclamation marks. Inside it said, "Super kid of the day...KADEN!!!!" I know it sounds silly to be excited about this, but over the summer Kaden has experienced his terrible 2's. Kaden never hits or gets violent at all, but he does do a good temper tantrum. One where he yells no, stomps his feet and sometimes falls on the floor. Alot of times this happens when he is not feeling well or is extremely tired. It just so happens that during the summer he may not take a nap everyday. This is because we're either not at home or he has slept too late. So, for last 2 weeks, the tantrums have become minimal and controllable. And the times that I have taken him to Ms. Sharon's, he has been awesome. He is so sweet. She said yesterday he was sharing, being very polite, cleaning up, and helping others. She said he has been just awesome lately. I was so proud of him. Oh and by the way, there has never been a super kid of the day. This was a first!!!!

So I thought he was having such an awesome day and I had to go to Wal-Mart so I decided to take the kiddos with me on the way home. This is usually the worst time of the day and the lines are super long causing the kids to get a little impatient. So lately, either me or Wade goes to the store without the kids. It just becomes such a hassle with both of them...and so hot getting them in and out of the car. But yesterday the kids were great. Kaden listened to me and did everything I asked of him. The best is when I tell him thank you for something and in a high pitched voice he replies, "You welcome". You'd have to hear it to understand. So adorable. So yesterday was a wonderful day.

Unfortunately when we got home, Kaden got a little dose of diarrhea. (I know, I know, TMI). Reagan's had it since Saturday. I feel like all I do is change sheets. The good news is it doesn't seem to bother them at all (no throwing up, fever, etc.). I just hope it's not something Wade catches since he starts his next treatment Friday. We'll keep our fingers crossed!

Ahhhh...So Quiet

It's so quiet here I'm not sure what to make of it. The kiddos were in bed by 8:00. Poor Kaden feel asleep in his little recliner. It was too cute. He was exhausted! At this time, the kitchen had been cleaned and the living room picked up. So refreshing! I had a margarita and then a long hot shower. At 10:00, I thought to myself, "Wow, it still seems so early!" I've decided to take the kids to the babysitter tomorrow and Wade volunteered to take them (it's close to an hour round trip). He just came out and said he'd take them.

I don't dare do the "my kids are in bed early tonight dance". Last time I did that Kaden was at our door at midnight saying, "Hello" in a very British accent (I know weird, but sometimes he does this!). I do look forward to my beautiful babies waking up in the morning and greeting me with their beautiful smiles and sweet voices that just completely melt me! But for now, I'll just sit here and enjoy the peace and quiet!

Too Close? Not Possible!

As I sit here and watch my two beautiful babies play together, I can't help but think back. When we found out we were pregnant with Reagan, we were more than thrilled. We weren't really trying to have another baby, but we also weren't really preventing it from happening. Fortunately for us, the first time seems to be a charm. Kaden was 10 months old when we got pregnant. I never once thought, "What in the world are we going to do? He's still a baby and now we have another baby on the way." But we always had people saying, "Oh my gosh. That's going to be tough. Two babies in diapers". The list goes on. I have always wanted to have my kids close together and we were extremely blessed for it to have happened that way.

Kaden was great with Reagan from day one. They are incredibly close and really and truly love one another. Reagan is finally at the age where she can run and play with her big brother. I love watching them chase after one another, but the best is watching them love one another. It's usually Reagan who tries to kiss Kaden and half of the time Kaden either ignores her or tells her to stop. But she just ignores. And the other half of the time Kaden either kisses back or smiles. Kaden is always making sure she's okay, especially if she hurts herself. It's priceless. I hope and pray that they remain close and they always take care of one another. God has blessed us with two beautiful, close, special babies.

Spring, I mean Summer Cleaning

So I am trying VERY hard to get down and dirty and clean up...deep clean. I steamed cleaned the living room and it looks MUCH better and feels MUCH cleaner. Wade helped me rearrange the furniture and that always gives me a refreshing feeling. Now I must go through Wade's pile of "stuff" on the table and then adventure into our room to clean the closet...AHHHH!!! I am dying to get this all done before school starts. I'd even like to paint the kids rooms. We'll see about that one though. Wish me luck!!

Kaden Matthew

I have to say...Kaden is an extremely unique kid. He amazes me more and more everyday with the things he says and does. He is such a brave boy. I know they say boys will be boys and that I am a little partial to him, but he is truly a boy. A boy that is amazingly athletic and observant. It only takes him watching somebody one time to do just what they do. He does flips without thinking twice. People are always laughing at him and all of his energy. He exhausts me! I am dying to get him in gymnastics to show off all of his skills. I am just waiting for things to get back to normal around here.

He loves to swim. He is always jumping in. Makes me a little nervous, but he does good. He loves water period. It doesn't matter if it's a swimming pool, sprinkler, or a puddle...he's so there!

He just started sleeping in a full sized bed in his room and he does wonderful. However, at 5:00 this morning he's screaming "mama" and is walking to our room. He fell out of the bed which is totally our fault. We need to get a bed rail. He's done good for a couple of weeks but I guess it was time. So I gladly picked him up and put him into bed with us. He's so darn cute. When he woke up, he smiled big at me and said, "I wanna play with my toys" and off he went.

Yesterday was the first day that he used the restroom (pee!). We were so excited. He's really been in no hurry and shows no interest, so we haven't really pushed it. It's about that time though. We made a big deal and got him some cupcakes and sang "Happy Potty Day To You". He was so proud.

Now, we have no doubt hit the terrible twos and some days I wonder what happened to my sweet boy. But then it passes and he's back to his adorable self.

He loves cars...more than any child I've ever seen. He's very particular about having certain cars with him. He has at least 30 of the cars from the movie, "Cars". He is constantly playing with them. Believe me, they are EVERYWHERE.

We finally got him a swing set today and as I type Wade is putting it together. The kids don't even know he's back there. I figured he probably needed peace and quiet to put it together. So I am anxious to see their reaction. I'll post pictures as soon as I get the chance.

I wish I could put into words the way Kaden makes me feel. He makes me so proud and I can't wait to see how he grows. He's already changed so much. It's so hard to believe.

Home

Please forgive me for a late update. I actually typed everything in an email the day he came home and went to spell check it. When I did, it froze and all that I wrote was completely gone. It took a long time to write it and the thought of having to do it all over again was killing me. So, I'm going to give it another go...

Wade came home from the hospital Thursday afternoon. He was ready to get home and the kids were even happier to see their daddy. Kaden ran to him and Wade picked him up. Kaden kept saying, "Daddy" over and over and then said, "You went to the doctor? You got better?" So cute. Reagan of course gave her daddy a huge "Reagan smile".

This round of chemo seemed to be much easier on Wade. They were constantly there to make sure he was okay. The only big problem was that starting the 3rd day of him doing his chemo drugs, his blood sugar became "critically high" which means it was above 500. Because of this they were constantly giving him insulin to bring it back down. They said the cause was probably from one of the steroid drugs they give him. It is the best drug to keep him from getting nauseous. It apparently does this to a lot of people. It was a struggle to get this under control. Now in the past, on the last day, Wade's heart rate would beat close to 125 and he felt this caused him to be extremely uncomfortable and exhausted. He said he thought he felt better this time and maybe it was because they were able to get it under control.

They sent him home with a glucose monitor and he is having to keep a close eye on his sugar. He has seen a endocrinologist once and will go back Wednesday to see her again. She said a lot of times taking these drugs can push you over the edge and you could become Diabetic. I'm sure Wade is borderline with it running in his family, but this does not help. The doctor said we had to wait several days for the steroid to get completely out of his system in order for his sugar to get regulated. So, we will see. Because of his sugar being out of control this time, they will probably admit him the next two times. Of course I hate him being away and he misses the kids tremendously, but if it means he will feel better, then it is all worth it.

And strangely, this time he did not get bone pain. He usually gets this on Sunday. It is from the neulasta shot. He said he felt weird not having it, but I reassured him that it is a good thing, not to doubt it, and that his prayers are being answered. More to come in the next few weeks!

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You know, there is nothing that hurts me more than sitting in the hospital room with Wade and watching him have to struggle to overcome all the pain that comes with chemo. But then as I am walking to the parking garage across the street from MDA, I see a man in a wheelchair hooked up to the machines with many chemo bags. Then, he coughs as he blows out the smoke from the cigarette he's smoking. Ugh...it was like a slap in the face. Here Wade is upstairs exhausted with cancer in his lungs and has NEVER smoked a cigarette a day of his life and this man is smoking his cigarettes. My first question is why even do chemo? Why try to fix one thing when it could cause more damage in the long run? As I tell this to Wade, he tells me I don't know his story. Maybe he has no chance of surviving and why not have one last smoke? I don't really know. But I do know that it is not my place to judge. Though I cringe when I see people smoking and many times get very angry, it still not place to judge and I have to realize that. I'm working on it.

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One day Wade and I walked out of the room to go for a walk and this man in his room down the hall yells to Wade, "Hey, what happened to all of your hair?" Of course Wade laughs knowing the same has happened to this man and walks closer to his room. He's sitting on his bed and his wife is standing next to him. It looked as if maybe he was about to be discharged. The question you may hear around MDA is, "So, what are you in for?" It sounds like something you'd say in prison I know. So his story is he has bone cancer and has been fighting it for 30 years. It has come back 8 times. He was telling Wade MDA is the best place to be and it is where he has been from the start. He said his cancer has come back 8 times now. His wife tells us that every time the time in between gets shorter. This last time he was cancer free for 18 months. But they were both so optimistic and full of faith. She said, "You know, I tell him, you must be needed here on earth to do great things and when the time comes, He just needs you more than we do down here." Sad I know, but they both were smiling ear to ear. You can't help but feel relief when you hear stories like theirs. I mean 30 years. That's amazing! That's one thing you will find there...people there to lift you up. And the most amazing part, it seems as though every person we have talked to has had an incredible amount of faith.