Happy Birthday My Sweet Baby Girl!

My precious baby girl,

It's so hard to believe that one year ago today we welcomed you into our chaotic yet sweet loving family. I will never forget the day I finally laid eyes on you. You were incredibly beautiful and so much like a little girl. I never thought I would have a little girl. You were better than I had ever dreamed of. You have been such an amazing girl from the start. I love how when you laugh you have this high pitched squeal. You are overcome with excitement. You have the sweetest little smile that will melt anybody's heart. Your daddy ALWAYS goes to get you out of bed after you've been asleep for a couple of hours. You have the cutest sleepy face and you smile from ear to ear and cuddle right up next to daddy. He loves on you and kisses you for a few minutes, lays you back down and you are out again for the rest of the night. You said "Happy Birthday" on your birthday. It couldn't have been more perfect. The funniest is when you say, and very clearly, "Go away!" And the entire time you are waving your little arm in the air as if telling that person to really go away. You did it to me today in the pool when my arm was next to your float. I say you told me, but I really think you were telling my arm!!! You have taken several steps now, but you're really in no hurry. That's okay though. We'll be there when you're ready to take off because we know it's coming. You take your time like the little princess you are! You do stand up a lot without holding on to anything. You'll just stand there and clap. Your favorite song is "Itsy Bitsy Spider". You love to move your hands like a little spider and when we say, "...And washed the spider ___", You fill in the blank with "out". It's so cute and it always makes us laugh.

Your birthday party was yesterday. It was a huge success. You had so many friends and family there to celebrate your big day. You, of course were adorable! You had on a little polka dotted dress that matched your pool. But you didn't want to stay in the pool long. You wanted to slide down the big slide with all of the other big kids. Once Papa showed you how to do it once, that's all you wanted to do. You had a blast! Your cake was strawberry and though you were a little shy at first, you dug in quickly and made a mess. Your brother helped you out a little bit. He was so excited for you to be having a birthday party. Plus, he loves all the presents you got too. He plays them with you (or at least he tries to share them).

So my sweet little angel, every time I think about you being 1 I get a little teary eyed. It has been a wonderful year and I know I say it a million times, but my goodness, where does the time go? You have given us one unimaginable year. I look forward to all of the years with my little baby girl. You will always be my little girl! Mommy loves you more than you will ever know!
Love,
Mommy

Day 5

Today is Wade's 5th day of doing chemo. He's very tired and dizzy. He sleeps the majority of the day. He goes tomorrow to get unhooked from his backpack. It's all so strange. I forget how awful all of this is. I wish more than anything I was the one who had to go through it and not him. But he's a fighter and will make it through stronger than ever before.

No More Bottles

Well, it is official. Kaden is officially off the bottle...well, and Reagan too. I didn't think it would be so easy because we've tried before, but he cried for his bottle. We knew there was really no point to push it since Reagan would be getting them and he wouldn't understand why we were giving her one and not him. So both of them are done with the bottle. So, he doesn't say no when I try to give him a sippy cup. I guess you could say the sippy cup is the new "bottle" but hey, baby steps here. So, now we work on pottying in the big boy potty. First bottles, then diapers...oh what it must be like to be without! Though I have to say, I think it was harder on us than the kids.

And It all Begins!

I've been gone a while. I didn't mean to. We've just been so busy. We went to Galveston last weekend and had a blast. I got a tad too much sun and I'm paying for it now. Kaden absolutely hated the beach! He was in awe at first and then one big wave hit him and knocked him down. It was over then. And when we put Reagan in the water, Kaden freaked out yelling for us to get her out. He was so worried about her. She crawled everywhere squealing with happiness. Everybody that walked by just giggled at her. She was so cute. I will post some pictures soon. We went swimming at the San Luis after we left the beach. It was so relaxing. Kaden did so good swimming. It took him a little while to get used to it all, but he did great. Last year was pretty much a bust for him since his ears were soooo bad and we were constantly going to the doctor. So it's a new fresh year. Reagan liked the pool too. At night, she just laid her head on the float. She was so calm. This mini vacation was needed. Wade won't be able to get in the water until he has his catheter removed. Which leads me to the next topic...

This is Kaden loving the water.

Then a big wave comes, knocks him down and he is done. (gotta love the earplugs right?)

Yesterday Wade had his catheter put in through the right side of his chest. They gave him the medicine that would pretty much knock him out, a little too late. He felt it all. They told him they hit a bone. Nice! It was quick...no more than 30 minutes. We had to wait to get the X-Rays back so we would know if they correctly inserted the catheter. We waited for 2 hours. We had to meet with the Chemo nurse to go over some information and scheduling. We then found a really good place for Wade to go rest (because the medicine they gave him finally knocked him out for hours). It was a quiet, dark place with lots of couches and recliners. They made sure you had pillows and blankets and were constantly making sure we were all comfortable. After 2 hours, we went back and found that everything was great and in place.

So today he started the chemo. He went in at 10:00 and it took them a while to get everything prepared. Once they finally got everything situated he began the treatment. It only lasted about 2 hours. Very nice! He's feeling great now, just tired. We went out to eat tonight for Wendy's (Wade's sister) birthday. He felt good enough to tear up some crab! So he will go in everyday until Wednesday and on this day he will have the backpack that he carries around (24 hours a day) removed. They say the 10 -14 days are the hardest because all the counts drop (white blood cells, hemoglobin and platelets). They keep a very close eye on all of this. He goes in 3 times a week for bloodwork.

Kaden knows that daddy has bo bo's and that he has special medicine. Wade's such a fighter so I know he's going to do all he can to be strong for the kiddos and me! So bring it on...it has begun!

This was in an email I sent out yesterday...

Many of you have been asking how Wade is doing so I am emailing an update. He went to the doctor today and got the results from all of his tests that were done yesterday. Good news is that there are no new spots. The two spots that were there before have grown. The doctor said one grew a little and the other she was worried about just because it grew a little more than she had wanted. So now Wade will begin chemo next week. He will go in Tuesday to get a CVC catheter inserted on the right side of his chest. This is where the chemo will be hooked up. We haven't quite decided the day he will start. He could start that day if he'd like. A final decision will be made in the next couple of days. He will go in 6 days in a row to MD Anderson where they will hook him up to Ifosfamide (chemo drug). He will stay in the hospital for about 5 hours while it drips (like an IV). Once the approximately 5 hours are up, they will unhook this but he will continue another chemo drug called Mesna. This will stay hooked up to him for 24 hours a day until the 6th day. It will be unhooked on the 6th day once he finishes his last day of the Ifosfamide. Last time this was kept in a little backpack. It was kind of like being hooked up to an IV pole except instead of a pole it's a backpack. I'm pretty sure it will be the same this time as well. Once he completes the 6 days, he will be given a shot of Neaulasta which basically squeezes the white blood cells out of the bones causing some bone pain. This will help boost the ability to fight infection. He will do the 6 days, have off week 2 and week 3 and then back again to start over. He will do this 6 times. He will also go 3 times a week for blood work so they can keep a close eye on how his body is reacting to the chemo. After 3 weeks, he will go back to visit his doctor for an update. So, the upcoming months are going to be very busy with a lot of traveling, but we are putting this all in the hands of God. We continue to pray for Wade's healing. We are going to enjoy lots of family time this weekend and prepare for the road ahead. I will continue to keep you guys updated as we find out new information.

Today

So today was the first day I got Kaden out of his big boy bed to get ready to go to Ms. Sharon's. I have to say, it was much easier getting him out. Ever see that part of Bruce Almighty when Jim Carey has to wake up? You know, where he throws such a fit when he has to get up? Sometimes that how Kaden is. He takes the covers and pulls them over his head or rolls over a million times. So, sometimes, I just have to scoop him up to get him moving. So, it was a quick scoop today. He's doing much better in his bed! He actually got up a lot more when it was a crib. I guess the thrill of falling 4 feet was more enticing than one little step out. Kinda like once you turn 21 drinking just isn't quite as fun. Granted, he still has his moments and gets out, but not quite as bad as it was at first. Nap time is a little trickier. I suppose it's because it's so bright outside.

So this is the transition bed. It's so nice how cribs are able to change. We basically just took down one side and it came with the side rails. The next step will be getting rid of the baby Winnie the Pooh and eventually getting him a bigger bed. Pooh never really was him. Cute, but not Kaden. Ideally, I'd love to one day decorate his room like a little forest. Who knows. I know he'd probably prefer Cars, or maybe even something to do with sports. I guess we'll let him decide soon. Anyway, he tried helping daddy, but Toy Story was a little more interesting. That was until he was able to jump in his new bed (Saturday night). He loves it!!!

So, moving right along. Went to work, blah, blah...Wade went to MD Anderson today for all of his tests. We'll find out the results tomorrow morning at 9:00. I suppose we'll find out what they think and what exact things they will have to do. Chemo will be the route, but with the new spots growing, it gives them something to compare future tests with. We'll see. Of course I'm beyond nervous. But, it's really out of my hands. I'm just trying to stay positive. More on the results and what the future holds tomorrow.

Tonight was my Aunt's viewing. So sad!! But it was amazing how many people were there. She was clearly loved by many. She was an inspiration to so many people. It's just so weird when they have an open casket. She looked so good though. It looked like she was sleeping and would wake up any second. My uncle is so tough. He was actually the one comforting us and making us feel better. He's an amazing man! Tomorrow is the funeral so we have a very busy and slightly depressing day ahead of us.

In a Funk

Every once in a while I get in this funk. I get in this horribly depressed mood. I start thinking of Wade and I become a mess. My fears overcome my ability to remain positive and strong. Some days I am just so scared of losing my best friend, the love of my life and the father of my children. I can not even begin to imagine my life without him. I don't want to imagine it because it absolutely makes me sick. Some days I just cry and long to see Wade so I can hug him. I don't want to let go. I don't want to be negative and most days I'm not. I know the devil is working one on me on days like today. I hate to ever say that this just doesn't seem fair, but today is the day when I feel like things aren't fair. When will we have a break? When will our entire family be healthy? When will we have a year when somebody close to us doesn't get sick, die, or suffer in any sort of way? When will things begin to look up for us? If we go a week without anything major happening, I expect that in any day something will happen. It just seems to be the way things are for us lately. I'm mad and I'm angry. I don't know what I'm mad at. I'm not mad at God. God has blessed us with so many wonderful things. I'm just so upset.

I just have to step out of the funk, take a deep breath and pray to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He gives me the strength I need to go on. I don't pray for strength or patience, but I constantly pray for Wade's healing and thank the Lord for His many blessings. God has a plan for us all...whether we're here until we're 100 or not. Maybe the end is near and Jesus will come and take us all away. I can only long for the day when there is no sadness, sickness or suffering.