Miss You

It's been three weeks. Three of the longest weeks of my life. It's unimaginable the pain I feel. I never thought it would hurt so bad. I miss getting to tell you about my day, and what made me laugh or made me mad. I miss us getting to vent to one another about the kids and how they're driving us crazy or how incredibly brilliant and loving they are. Honestly, it just doesn't feel real. It hasn't felt real for three weeks. I carry on I guess secretly thinking you're going to come back...like maybe you're on a really long trip.

The kids are doing okay. They miss you as much as I do. Reagan cried herself to sleep last night after Kaden said how he was sad you would never sleep with him again. We do a lot of talking and a lot of crying together. I always tell them it's okay to cry and they see me cry. I tell them it's okay to be sad. They are so sweet. They're so worried about me. They're always asking me if I'm crying...even if I'm not. If I am, they love on me and tell me it's okay. When they cry, it tears my heart into a million pieces. I have to fight the tears.

Most people I talk to always tell me, "You're doing great. I can't believe how well you're holding up." It frustrates me. They have no clue what I'm feeling. Not even a little bit. I try to be so strong for the kids and to try and keep things as normal as possible. In my own time, I'm lost, empty, broken and just plain sad. The kids sleep with me every night because I can't imagine sleeping by myself, without you. I'm so, so sad! You're my best friend...always will be.

I found a CD today that you had recorded for me. It was you talking to me for five minutes. You were telling me how wonderful I am and how much you love me. You told me how I'm a great mom and how you look forward to hearing about my day every day. You told me how proud of me you are. Five minutes. Five minutes of you praising me, encouraging me, loving me. Five minutes of you telling me how you couldn't believe I stuck around after finding out you had cancer. Five minutes of your sweet voice. I miss that...I miss my best friend! How lucky am I to have found the love of my life? A love most people never ever find? What we had was something so special. There will never be another! How unfair that you were just taken from me? It just sucks!I know people keep telling me in time things will be okay...it will get better. But it's unimaginable. My other half is just gone.

 I took the kids to the doctor today. You would have been the first person I called when I left. You'd be so proud of them. They're growing like crazy! They miss you so! I feel very blessed to have such a great support system. We have so many friends and family who care for us. They're doing the best they can to make things better. But I guess you already know all this. I love you today...everyday! I love you most! Heard this today...made me think of you...

Spring Baseball

It's here...Spring baseball is in full swing (no pun intended). We're so very excited about this season. Last fall was Kaden's first time to ever play baseball. I think I was more nervous than him. As many of you know, I'm a tad bit competitive. We're very pleased with his coach and how wonderful he works with Kaden and all the other boys. Kaden got his very first out on Saturday! He threw threw out a runner at home. We were so happy. He didn't let one ball get past him and he had a ton hit to him. Kaden was dancing on the mound. We finally feel like he gets what he's supposed to be doing. Something finally clicked. We're looking forward to an exciting year!!!

Impact

I've never really stopped to think about how much Wade has touched and impacted others. Somebody stopped me today and wanted to talk about Wade. I know people are very hesitant to bring up what all he's been through. I know for some it must be awkward as they don't know how I will react or they fear it may upset me. I will say, many people ask about him and I usually reply with, "He's doing great. He feels good. He has his days, but for the most part, he's great." I know it shocks many people, but it's true. He's a fighter.

So back to the person who stopped me. She asked me if we realized how Wade's testimony has changed so many people. I guess I've never thought much about it. I know he's so strong and he beats the odds every single day. She goes on to tell me how somebody she talked to struggled with prayer and was unsure about a few things. However, seeing Wade battle this disease and go above and beyond what all the doctors expected, proved something to this person. This person found that the power of prayer works. It's working and Wade is living proof. The doctors told us to enjoy the time we had left. They told us to get all of affairs in order and it could be days or weeks. That was seven months ago.

It blew my mind to think Wade's faith, determination, and courage has changed somebody's life in a big way. This person sees prayer in a new light. To hear that made me wonder. How many other people is he touching? God is amazing and His love is evident. How could one doubt?

Fresh

Okay, so I'm not going to continue the last blog. We'll just end it with saying Christmas was rough. It was hard not being able to enjoy everything with Wade. However, we had a great New Years and we're starting off fresh. I promise to go back and add pictures of the kids from some of the fun Christmas things we did. But first, I want to share some of our family pictures that were taken by Kaci Woodroome from Sweet Southern Style Photography. She is an amazing photographer who worked amazingly with us and our kids. The kids LOVED her. Also, click here to read what she blogged about our family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas

Wow, those two weeks just flew by! The break started with Wade and I celebrating our 7 year anniversary. We stayed at the Hyatt downtown, went shopping at the Galleria and then on Saturday we went to see A Christmas Carol. It was amazing! It was nice to have some time for just us. Here is a picture from around the time when we started dating. This literally feels like yesterday!



Here's one of our engagement pictures...



The next adventure was another trip to Santa's Wonderland. The people there found out about our story and gave us free tickets to return. We were so excited! The kids LOVE that place! My mom and dad were able to go with us this time. It was their first time. I am so glad we were able to share it with them. We could never thank the wonderful people at Santa's Wonderland for being so kind to us.

Just when we thought we had enough of the lights, we decided to take a trip to Prestonwood. I'm sure if you grew up in the Houston area, you are very familiar with this place. We went with our very good friends Brandi and Alan and their two kids Cory and Madison. That's really what made it so much fun! We're all about making new memories.

It was either the next day, or the day after that, we went to Church of the Woodlands. The kids got to play in the "snow". They had a blast.

The next day we went to Cory and Madison's Reindeer party. Brandi is so dang creative. The kids made reindeer food and exchanged gifts. It was a blast!!!!

(LOTS OF PICTURES TO COME!!)

And then came Christmas eve. Every year we start the morning off bright and early and go to Cracker Barrel. Unfortunately, this is when Wade started feeling bad. He had been very tired and he was complaining that he was very nauseous. He didn't hardly eat anything. When we came back home, we got some gifts together and just relaxed a bit. My dad was coming over soon to put together the trampoline that Santa got the kids. The kids could not possibly find out he was there or the surprise would be gone!

We started getting ready to go to New Waverly at Wade's Aunt's house. We do this every Christmas Eve. The kids were beyond excited. As I began to get ready, Wade was waking up from a nap with Kaden. He began coughing. I pretty much have his coughs down. I knew this was a bad one. Hoping and praying it would stop, I got in the shower. When I got out, Kaden told me that Daddy was sick and throwing up. When I got to him, he was throwing up blood. I felt helpless and my stomach was in knots. Wade's parents had gone to pick up his grandpa and were headed to New Waverly. I called his mom to let her know what was going on and they came to the house to check on him. At this point, he's laying down trying to get it all to stop (which usually helps). He said it was feeling better so we tried again. His parents left and we started loading up. This time I got him and the kids in the car and went to the backyard to tell my dad bye. Wade comes running in telling me to go back to the car and he begins throwing up more blood. My dad was there too. I know my dad was worried and wanted to help, but the kids couldn't see him. He felt helpless. I went to the car to get the kids out and tell them we weren't going. They begin to cry hysterically because they had been looking forward to this for days. They didn't understand. My dad stayed in the driveway until I told him we were fine. Wade stops but lays down. I'm worried about him and devestated that the kids are so upset. I don't know what to do. Wade's parents come back home and I decided to take the kids. I didn't know what else to do. Wade's mom was there with him and I know she would keep a close eye on him. Going was hard though. It just wasn't the same without him. It was good to see everybody, but I needed him to be there with me.

That night, me and his mom wrapped presents and got the kids Christmas ready. That was hard too. That's usually our thing. Something I look forward to doing with Wade and he wasn't there. This Christmas just wasn't the same...to be continued.

Just Beautiful!!!

Lindsay Moore -
www.fabulousoccasions.com

Busy Weekend

It's been a wonderful, fun-filled weekend. We started yesterday off with Reagan's Christmas recital. She was the best one of course. We're so proud of her.













Then we packed up and went to Santa's Wonderland. We decided to stay up there this time so we got a hotel. It was so relaxing. We took our time and enjoyed every minute. The first thing we did when we got there was see Santa. The funny thing was, our elf on the shelf, Ellie jumped in our car when we left for Santa's Wonderland. We didn't even know it! She was so sneaky. We figured she couldn't wait to see Santa so when we got up there to see him, Santa was so happy to see her. When he went to touch her nose, his finger lit up! The kids were beyond excited! She even got in the picture with them!!




As soon as we finished there, we went to the petting zoo and then to grab a bite to eat. At that point, it was getting very crowded. I am so thankful we decided to do the carriage ride this year. With the carriage ride, you have an assigned time so you don't have to wait in line. Each person also gets hot chocolate and a bag of popcorn. Did I mention we didn't have to wait in line? We literally walked right up and our carriage was waiting on us. Other people were standing in line for hours for the hayride. It was magical. Just us riding through the lights. It couldn't have been any better.








After a little time by the fire, bull riding, snow chasing, and enjoying the cool weather, it was time to go. Though College Station is not far at all, we were thankful to have gotten a hotel this time. It was nice to be able to go back, kick back and relax after a long day. It was another day full of memories made!